25 SIGNS YOU ARE GOING TO HELL!

25 SIGNS YOU ARE GOING TO HELL!

By Becky Todd

Chances are, you're going to Hell, says a Bible scholar.

"Ninety-nine out of 100 people are damned," says Jacob L. Pinewood, professor of divinity at Holy Moses College in Jarvis, Australia.

"My research indicates God hates us. That's why He made His rules so ridiculous that the average person will never get into heaven."
...
You're going to Hell if you:
...
* Ever laughed at or imitated a mentally or physically handicapped person. "This is especially difficult as the rule includes midgets with big heads," says Pinewood.
* Ever had a bath or shower with someone of the opposite sex.
* Ever had a bath or shower with someone of the same sex.
* Are a homosexual, transsexual, heterosexual or metrosexual.
* Ever rolled your eyes at the mention of Mother Teresa.
* Make a practice of stepping on sidewalk cracks.
* Belong to any organized religion. "Every religion believes the members of every other religion are going to hell," explains Pinewood. "And since you can only belong to one religion at a time, it's a Catch 22 situation."
* Covet your neighbor's wife, husband, car, house, donkey or any of their household appliances.

Поняли? Вот так примерно. You're all going to Hell! По сравнению с этим, то, что ждет прыщавого студента, спиздившего сверхсекретный профессорский лаптоп, это просто детский лепет.

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