ded_maxim | This is the spleen that brought down the Evil Russian Empire!

Читаю самый свежий Onion, а там вот какое изумительное:

Reagan Pyramid Nears Completion

SIMI VALLEY, CA—Slave manpower was doubled this week in an effort to ensure that erection of the gigantic Reagan Pyramid remains on schedule to be completed in time for the 40th president's mummification and ascension into the Afterworld.

. . .

Reagan's mummified husk will be placed in the burial chamber as intact as possible. To this end, Reagan's internal organs were removed shortly after his death and preserved, encased in ornate protective ceramic vessels and sealed in beeswax.

"This is the spleen that brought down the Evil Russian Empire," Reagan Chief of Staff James Baker said, holding aloft several of Reagan's just-removed innards. "And these are the lungs that ended the Great Iran Hostage Crisis, caused by his weak predecessor, Carter I. Hail Reagan."

According to reports, the massive burial monument staggers the imagination of all who behold it in its sheer splendor and majesty. Exquisite engravings, inlaid with gold and silver leaf and precious jewels, depict the cycle of the Reaganic Creation Myth, with the deified Reagan symbolically castrated by his mother, giving birth to the sun and moon, and then being dismembered by Set, his scattered bodily fragments forming the stars of the night sky.

Despite the great sanctity of its Inner Chamber, the Reagan Pyramid may attract Hittite raiders bent on desecrating it and robbing it of its vast treasuries of gold, jewels, fine dyed cloth, rare Hollywood movie stills, and a parchment from A.D. 1982 depicting a $1.3 trillion Defense Department budget increase.

"Thieves and infidels must not violate the Great Reagan's sanctity!" Reagan high-priest Michael Deaver said. "All those who tread these halls without the Seven Keys of Sununu will die victims of the dreaded Curse of Reagan's Tomb!"

He later added, "Mwah ha ha ha ha!"

Всё-таки все официальные масс-медиа, равно как и тех, кто там работает, нужно сбросить в большую яму с негашёной известью и читать один лишь Onion. И ничего кроме.

Чтоб не быть гадом, ага.